Life isn't always glitter & rainbows

Okay so I'm not about posting struggles but I just want to brag for a hot minute. This summer is my first summer as an actual independent. I described in my last post that I was bi-polar but I didn't mention that I also have a dissociative personality due to my past. I won't go into detail but I was raised with a lot of trauma that enabled me to compartmentalize and strengthen my intellect at a very young age. I have had the same opinions since I was 12 years old. I was once a part of a church that tried to take this ability from me but I did not allow it. This explains why I am a good powerlifter but also a good writer and role model to younger girls. I have a very multifaceted personality that is leading me closer and closer to having a career in California. I'm in the process of writing a book that will be published but I might not even graduate college. There has been a lot in my life that has tried to stop me. My father being the main one. I'm proud of how I have overcome so much at a young age. I feel so grateful for not just this website but the future ahead of me that I feel fully equipped to take on. I never dreamed that so much strength could result from my pain but every day I feel better. Even as I realize I might loose my opportunity to finish at the university of my dreams, I know I am unstoppable. Im praying that all will work out and that I will be able to go to school this fall but if not you will see me on here a whole lot more. I hope this encourages anyone struggling or being abused. I hope you know that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel and that you will overcome whatever it is that you're facing. I am a living and breathing picture of what happens when you respond positively to negative circumstances.

Favorite thing about myself

What I like most about myself would have to be the fact that I am bi polar. Bi polar means that I can feel emotions in an unnatural range. I am capable of being devastatingly sad and dangerously happy within the same 30 seconds. The reason this is is due to the fact that there is an imbalance of Lithium in my brain. The more upset or happy I get the less rational thinking I can register in my brain. This is why it is hard for me to follow rules. In fact I have to spend a considerable amount of time reflecting on rules when signing contracts or getting new jobs. I use this condition to my advantage by allowing it to help me develop a thick skin and also enhance my bubbly personality. I am capable of approaching strangers without hesitation, it is like being a perpetual happy drunk. This is also why I don't drink alcohol often since it is not smart for my mental health. I also use this condition to my advantage by blaming my rebellious actions against my Dad on my brain. He thinks I'm crazy and so I use my personality and sarcastic remarks to remind him that i'm crazier. Don't get me wrong, I am actually a fantastic girlfriend and sex partner since this condition also enhances my sexual impulsivity and makes me fall HARD for those I love. I'm very "all or nothing" when it comes to relationships. However, I demand to be respected and cherished by my partner and I want to be looked at as a prize. In a relationship, I am usually the one putting my well being at risk to hold onto the guy and I usually love him more than he loves me. It is not a strange idea for me to pursue a guy. Some guys are into it and others are afraid of me and there has been no in-between.

Craziest thing I have every done

The craziest thing I have ever done was actually done this past summer. I was off shore fishing with one of my good guy friends and we were in Venice. Now I have only gone offshore one other time in my life and so I didn't think it would be dangerous to jump in the water. So the boys were fishing when I had to really pee. I did not want to bother them so I decided to just jump in the water, this water was only a few hundred feet away from the mouth of the Mississippi River. Yes, thats right, I stupidly jumped in the Mississippi river and SURVIVED like a champ. Well not really. My head popped up and I grabbed on of the boys hands and it took 5 guys to safely get me back on board. I was traumatized the rest of the boating trip and cried pretty much that whole day lol. That is also the most dumb thing I have done but I am so happy I survived.

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